1. Boston Red Sox. Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, and Ryan Dempster have been lights out. Jacoby Ellsbury has 11 steals. David Ortiz has decided not to make outs anymore. Things couldn't be going any better for the Red Sox right now.
2. Atlanta Braves. Swept by the Tigers, and 11 of Justin Upton's 12 April home runs have been solo shots because the likes of Jason Heyward (hitting .121) and B.J. Upton (.151) just aren't getting on base.
3. Texas Rangers. YU DARVISH CARES NOT FOR NEWTON'S LAWS OF MOTION:
4. Detroit Tigers. Anibal Sanchez struck out 17 batters in his last start, setting the Tigers franchise record.
5. Washington Nationals. In his first 162 major league games, Bryce Harper has been a .284/.356/.518 hitter. He's 20 years old.
6. Cincinnati Reds. Shin Soo-Choo and Joey Votto are getting on base at a remarkable rate, but for whatever reason. manager Dusty Baker insists on separating them in the lineup by putting poor-hitting shortstop Zack Cozart (career .281 OBP) in the two-hole.
7. St. Louis Cardinals. Your Adam Wainwright Strikeout-to-Walk Ratio Update: 37 strikeouts, one walk. That'll do.
8. San Francisco Giants. Defensive-minded shortstop Brandon Crawford (career .666 OPS) leads the Giants in most offensive categories. That is not a good thing.
9. Oakland Athletics. In this bizarro world, the A's lead the majors in runs scored. They went 4-10 while Yoenis Cespedes was on the DL, but he hit a game-tying 9th inning homer in his return to the lineup Sunday.
10. New York Yankees. Against right-handed pitching, the Yankees have the best OPS in baseball by a wide margin. Against lefties, that OPS falls by over 200 points for one of the worst marks in baseball. So goes life when Travis Hafner is obliterating baseballs but Vernon Wells is your best right-handed hitter.
11. Baltimore Orioles. At one point, their careers were left for dead. But Chris Davis (9 HR, 28 RBIs) and Nate McLouth (.941 OPS) are fueling a high-powered Baltimore offense that also features Adam Jones, Nick Markakis, Matt Wieters, and Manny Machado.
12. Arizona Diamondbacks. Doing their best to assume the honorary "2012 Baltimore Orioles" mantle, the D'backs are 6-0 in extra innings so far.
13. Los Angeles Dodgers. Entering the season, the Dodgers had the best pitching depth in baseball. Four injuries and a trade later, they needed minor leaguer Matt Magill to make an emergency start. The best laid plans ...
14. Los Angeles Angels. Your Depressing Angels Pitching Fact of the Week: Joe Blanton has given up at least one hit in every single one of his 30 innings this season. In related news: the Angels are 0-5 when Joe Blanton makes a start.
15. Milwaukee Brewers. Staff ace Yovani Gallardo was arrested for driving drunk at 2 A.M. with a blood alcohol content nearly three times the legal limit, but he won't be disciplined by Major League Baseball because thank goodness he wasn't on a genuinely destructive substance like steroids.
16. Kansas City Royals. A revamped rotation at least has the Royals back into faux-contention. They don't look like a playoff team, but crazy things tend to happen in the AL Central.
17. Tampa Bay Rays. The pitching assembly line continues to churn: Alex Cobb has a 1.82 ERA in four starts.
18. Toronto Blue Jays. It's hard to overstate just how miserable this team looks right now. There's no plate discipline to speak of. R.A. Dickey and Josh Johnson are nursing injuries. Defensively, they're a nightmare. What a disappointment after a triumphant offseason. Here's what the Blue Jays looked like during a 3-2 loss to the Yankees on Sunday:
19. Pittsburgh Pirates. A.J. Burnett leads the National League in strikeouts. Make of that what you will.
20. Philadelphia Phillies. Chase Utley's return to form has been a positive development: .300/.347/.522 with four homers and four steals.
21. Colorado Rockies. Hitting the cover off the ball, but the rotation still includes both Jeff Francis AND Jon Garland, so their hot start seems fluky. A more interesting Rockies-related exercise involves how quickly one can spot the hidden gem in the background of this image from a Colorado home game:
*Small hint: GIANT DANCING PURPLE DINOSAUR*
22. Cleveland Indians. How are things going? They had to give Scott Kazmir two starts. That's how things are going.
23. Chicago White Sox. A team OBP of .280. Fewer walks than the Marlins. Yuck.
24, New York Mets. In 35 innings, Matt Harvey has almost three times as many strikeouts (39) as hits surrendered (14).
25. Seattle Mariners. A disastrous start has left the Mariners as the franchise most likely to make sweeping management changes soon.
26. Minnesota Twins. There are 121 pitchers in baseball who have recorded at least 17 strikeouts on the season. There are no Minnesota Twins on that list. This organization's fetish for the "pitch-to-contact" strategy is bordering on lunacy.
27. Chicago Cubs. Their rotation has been excellent, but an awful bullpen has blown most of the leads they've been entrusted with.
28. San Diego Padres. Doing their best efforts to sabotage their top division rivals. The Padres are 4-2 against the Dodgers and just swept the Giants, but they only have two other wins against all other competition.
29. Houston Astros. A year ago, Philip Humber threw a perfect game. This week, he lasted exactly one out in a start against the Indians, giving up eight runs as part of a 19-6 shellacking. One of the all-time flukes.
30. Miami Marlins. Giancarlo Stanton finally hit his first homer -- and the scoreboard-clearing moonshot was certainly worth the wait:
29. Houston Astros. A year ago, Philip Humber threw a perfect game. This week, he lasted exactly one out in a start against the Indians, giving up eight runs as part of a 19-6 shellacking. One of the all-time flukes.
30. Miami Marlins. Giancarlo Stanton finally hit his first homer -- and the scoreboard-clearing moonshot was certainly worth the wait:
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