The real referees are back, so we can all return to yelling senselessly at trained professionals rather than union scabs. Upgrade!!
Season Tally: 26/48, 54%
Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons (-7)
This game has 'disaster' written all over it for Carolina. The difference between Matt Ryan and Cam Newton so far this season has been equivalent to the difference between Mariano Rivera and Chad Qualls.
The pick: Falcons.
New England Patriots (-3.5) @ Buffalo Bills
Tom Brady always seem to gash the Bills through the air. And both of Buffalo's running backs are banged up. The Bills are good. It's just hard to pick the Patriots to go 1-3.
The pick: Patriots.
Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions (-4.5)
The Vikings are a really underrated team thanks to the impressive play of Christian Ponder. See: their casual defeat of the 49ers last week. And the Lions seem to like playing down to their competition. Heck, they gave up a million points to the Titans.
The pick: Vikings.
San Diego Chargers (-1.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs have actually gained the second-most yards in the NFL. At home against an uneven Chargers team that always underperforms in September? Yes please.
The pick: Chiefs.
Seattle Seahawks (-3) @ St. Louis Rams
The real football takeaway from the Monday Night game wasn't the refereeing disaster. It was the Seahawks defense, which looked like one of the three best defenses in the NFL. Sam Bradford doesn't stand a chance with the patchwork offensive line he's got protecting him.
The pick: Seahawks.
San Francisco 49ers (-4) @ New York Jets
Life after Darrelle Revis begins for the Jets. He was their best player and it wasn't even close. The 49ers losing this game would shock me more than any other potential upset this week. The clock on Mark Sanchez begins...now.
The pick: 49ers.
Tennessee Titans @ Houston Texans (-12)
Most people are calling the Texans the best team in football. That's hyperbole. But they're sure good enough to beat the Titans.
The pick: Texans.
Oakland Raiders @ Denver Broncos (-7)
One of the biggest surprises from last week was the Raiders (especially Carson Palmer) looking competent against the Steelers. That's more of a statement about the Steelers defense rather than the Raiders. Peyton Manning should eviscerate this secondary.
The pick: Broncos.
Miami Dolphins @ Arizona Cardinals (-5)
The Cardinals are like a Diet version of the 49ers: elite playmakers at every level of the defense, great special teams, and a serviceable quarterback who can manage the offense. The Miami Dolphins are like a Diet version of the Miami Marlins in that they're both poor-quality sports teams.
The pick: Cardinals. Yes, they're going to be 4-0.
Cincinnati Bengals (-1) @ Jacksonville Jaguars
Every week, there is one game that just sucks on every level. This is that game.
The pick: Bengals.
New Orleans Saints @ Green Bay Packers (-7.5)
The Packers at home? Against the worst defense in the NFL? After getting robbed on national TV on Monday night? The question isn't 'will they win,' it's 'will they score 50 points?'
The pick: Packers.
Washington Redskins @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-2)
Tampa's offense and Washington's defense have been equally atrocious this season. So what happens when a movable force collides with a movable object?
The pick: Redskins, because Robert Griffin probably puts on a show.
New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles (-2.5)
The Sunday night game, and it's a doozy. I can't for the life of me figure out how the Eagles, 2-1, are favored after their three games so far have been one blowout loss and two of the most unconvincing wins in the history of sporting events. The Giants' front four should eat Michael Vick alive.
The pick: Giants.
Chicago Bears @ Dallas Cowboys (-3.5)
Two colossally overrated teams go head-to-head on Monday night. This Cowboys secondary has been excellent so the over/under on "Jay Cutler Turnovers + Sacks + Hits + Mind-Numbingly Stupid Plays" should be set at 20.5. I can't see Dallas winning this game, but I can see Chicago losing it for them.
The pick: Cowboys.
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