Rick Reilly, sportswriter and featured columnist for ESPN, knows that the only people who read lengthy articles about baseball are people who like baseball very much. So he pissed off literally 100% of his readers by using terrible puns to attack baseball's slow pace on ESPN.com.
Some of the most cringe-evoking one-liners:
"Not that baseball games don't have a pace. They do: snails escaping a freezer."
"Like a Swedish movie, it might have been decent if somebody had cut 90 minutes out of it. I'd rather have watched eyebrows grow."
"What exactly was he doing in the on-deck circle? His cuticles?"
"Five times the catcher called time out to go out to the mound to discuss, what? ObamaCare?"
Reilly endlessly complained about stuff like the 30 seconds that pass between each pitch and the lengthy commercial breaks. So the final line of his whiny manifesto was the most egregiously hypocritical comment of all:
"Please, I beg of you, bring on the NFL."
Right, because football, in direct contrast to baseball, is well-known for its continuous, uninterrupted play and short, crisp, tasteful commercial breaks.
No comments:
Post a Comment